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Then she did the same thing with the other side, and the pinching and pain just went away! “Ok, stand up”. When I did, she had the strangest and oddly proud look on her face. “So much better than I had expected!” Let’s get over to a mirror!Walking over to the mirror, I can feel my breasts just jiggle and jiggle inside the bra. But, strangely, I could breathe easier, and felt my back pain ease a bit. Then I saw myself. I had a real pair of breasts! And to quote Seinfeld, they were amazing! Me! With better breasts than my daughter, or my wife!She stood there, looking at the mirror, at me, at the mirror. And said “That just won’t do. Come on” She grabbed me by the hand and we walked into the bathroom. She rummaged around in the cupboard and came out with some Nair hair removal. Now we are crossing a line! No way. No Never.“Dad, what, it will grow back? Who sees you naked now, well except me? You have gone this far, and if you don’t like it, it will grow back! Hair always does”. I had to. Peter: No what? So now, unlike my masterful piece of writing – put on stage in Liverpool, no less – the conversation starts getting tedious. No I didn’t make a back up copy. Yes, I know the importance of that now. Yes I will make a back up copy in future (fingers crossed). No, I didn’t make a hard copy. No, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Yes, you’ve saved my bacon – again. But all was not lost. Opening up my e-mails there it was. Not quite the answer to everything, and certainly not my play, but – wait for it – an e-mail from the man I’d had a crush on for eighteen months. And swear to God, in one evening, thanks to the brilliance that is modern technology I’d gone from being a passing acquaintance to the one he was going to bed to dream about tonight. And best of all, he asked whether I’d like to join him one evening for a bite to eat. (That’s our fourth and final mention and okay, so the spelling and the meanings are different but it’s still whether and it’s the kind of.
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