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A three quarter cup bra and matching thong were chosen. She chose a semi-retired business suit that no longer fit as comfortably as recently tailored attire. Inspecting the skirt in her chevalier mirror she approved of the way if molded her buttocks and stopped three inches above her knees. Instead of the usual button to the neck blouse she chose one with a neckline matching her scoop necked blazer. Instead of her usual pearl or diamond studs she chose a pair of chain and dangle ear rings. She wore last night's black choker to symbolize her love of black cock. Subtle seduction rather than business professional described today's attire. Normally on the train ride into the city she is oblivious of her surroundings unless jostled. Out of the corner of her eye she picked up on the approving glances of most of the men around her. For the first time she made direct eye contact with every black man letting her eyes travel up their body the same way they did hers. Departing the train with a. "Leave me alone," I told her, staring down at my hands. I felt hot and headachy, grown fat with little cramps and wet with tears. Lots of tears."It's okay." She didn't really know what to say. "It's just your first time. It's okay." I don't want it!" I screamed at her."Nobody does." She left me and that made it worse.She didn't really understand me then. It wasn't the menses I hated so much, it was what it represented. The thing behind the thing, I chiefly hated. We were 12 years old.Scene 3: November 1st 1995 in our bedroomRachael won't get out of bed. She came home this morning, before the sun came up. Our dad thought she'd stayed over with a friend, but she hadn't. She'd gone to a party with her boyfriend. We're only 13 and already she has a boyfriend. I don't. All I have is a crush on one of my teachers, Mrs. Gable, and I dream she will love me too. That one day she will find me alone after school and tell me she understands. That she loves me. That she wants to kiss me. My heart.
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