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There was no impact. No real sensation of feelingsomething. I even put my hand against my panties and my tucked penis. Itold myself that I was feeling my clit, like back then, and that I was awoman massaging her wet pussy. But to my great disappointment, and ratherbig surprise, I found myself not wet at all. My panties were as dry aswhen I put them on. I looked at my finger and it wasn't sticky. I lickedit and I tasted nothing. I just wasn't horny.I went to the bathroom and pulled down my panties to see. Sure enough,for the first time I saw that the sanitary napkin was entirely clean. Mypenis was still as small and shrivelled as always, barely poking out fromunder the pubic hair. I looked myself in the mirror and I tried to thinkthe girliest thoughts that I could. I thought about grabbing my testiclesand pinching them so hard that they would disappear. I thought aboutletting a doctor investigate why I was so underequipped, only to realisethat I wasn't a man at all. 'In fact,' he'd. Where Jim had looked at the men with an obvious hatred in his eyes, now he seemed to have given up a little, to have ceased caring quite as much. The possession of her body by force had given him something worth fighting for, and that had been lost when she took the lead with Pete.Julie stood washing the dishes, vaguely conscious of the robe that hung open, revealing her body. She stood as close to the sink as she could to block off the sight, but it wasn't completely successful. She had to turn to pick up dishes, and each time she did, the big guy, Butch, would grin right on cue as he looked at her nakedness. The other two men had gone into the parlor with the baby, and with Jim still tied up, and were listening to the radio. They had left Butch in the kitchen to stand guard over Julie and Sally while they did the dishes. To keep him amused, they had left Connie with him. Connie still looked as though she were in a state of shock from the first time he had raped her. She sat perched.
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