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Because when the class laughs with me, I feel as part of the group, even if for just one minute. There isn’t exactly a manual to make a friend is there? Maybe that’s why I’ve done so many stupid things and maybe that’s why I’m dragged into this stupid school now. Is it wrong though, to just want to make a friend? To just want to feel... wanted?I lean my head on the glass window, staring outside at passing cafes and restaurants as the bus nears its location. A moment later I sigh, ‘Why did I have to be the one to move? They’re the ones who started it, how come they get away and I get punished?’ I think to myself, closing my eyes as I reminisce about my old life. Just last week I hung out with my friends and caught a movie in theaters, sure the movie wasn’t that good but we had some snacks and we had a good time afterwards. Had a lot of laughs making fun of that movie too, my friend and I.I shake my head, I wish that was all true. Sounded better in my head than to say I fucked up, I. I get them when it's still touch and go. I don't try to do anything fancy. I just try to save lives.My losses that night were two gunshot victims and one knifing. I swear the one gunshot victim was dead before they put him on my table. But they would still count his death against my stats. And my stats were not looking that good for the month. There was a gang war going on in our city and we were losing a lot of young men to these actions and a few innocent bystanders as well.I had just finished the knifing victim. He had lost a lot of blood and I only gave him a 20% chance of surviving. I had gotten into clean scrubs (knifings were very messy) and was writing up my report on the surgery when my pager went off. A quick glance told me, I had another customer for my table. It was going to be a long night.I scrubbed up and entered the cold and sterile atmosphere of an operating room. The operating room staff had my patient all prepared and the "gas passer" (Anesthesiologist) had him.
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