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This time she got a little bit of a tingle as he moved inside her, noticing, maybe for the first time, when his hot seed was sprayed. She knew it was expected that she would become pregnant and produce several children but it hadn’t happened so far. This was not a disappointment to her because she got enough satisfaction from caring for those of others.Finally she told Sandra that she felt cheated as a wife by being misled by those that she trusted. “I don’t think that my husband can change but I think that maybe I can. Do you have any suggestions for me because I am wide open to them.”Sandra smiled, “I was hoping you would come to this conclusion. There is one lover of mine who I think would be very good for you if you can handle the moral side of having a man not your husband pleasuring you. It would not be love, but I think it would be good for you anyway.”Pulling together all of her bravery, Willa said she was ready. How would this take place?Sandra told her that she usually got. I had to decide and the only reasonable choice was to delay my pain, to spare my friends and family as long as I could, and pray that I'd get lucky somehow. That no one would ever know."Okay? We're going to get started," he told me. "You're tough, right? No problem." Right," I sighed, but I did feel somewhat better.I'd calmed down and it was a strange sensation, as if all of my fear had suddenly fled with my decision, with the arrival of the inevitable. I actually relaxed and wondered if my little panic attack hadn't just exhausted my will to fight. I accepted the situation and my only real thought was to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. If that meant smiling and answering silly questions and playing the slut for a bunch of white guys, fine. So long as I got the envelopes and never saw or heard from any of them ever again, yeah, I could do it.Perhaps it's the same emotional experience a woman went through when she's raped, but I doubt it. Rape is a violent.
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