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Not having those newfangled contraptions in my own home (this electrification frenzy will pass none too soon for me!), I am quite ignorant of such esoterica."Should he lift her gown and attempt to caress her thereunder, the bride must pull the covering quickly back in place, extricated herself from his clutches, and give him to understand that she must immediately attend to a call of nature."I am tempted to laughter. Imagine a reader perusing her article 100 years hence. He might well think it falsified, if not meanwhile overcome by disgust at the sheer and utter hypocrisy expressed within.Yours as ever, AbbyOctober 9, 1894Dear Abby,Had it not been for my own grandmother, born to the enlightened Eastchester Eastheimers in a more forgiving century than ours, I myself might well have been hoodwinked by such invidious trumpery. Prior to my wedding day, dear old Grannie Ruth (after whom we were to name our ill-starred progeny) took me under her wing and instructed me in all those matters. ”“Sure,” I smiled. “But what are you asking for now?”“Um, well, shoot! I, well, I think this is different. I think it’s a special case. I wouldn’t just ask anyone to do this, and I might not do it again for months or years. YOU are the right one, Mike.”“What if I’m worried about being with too many different girls?” I asked.“Uh, I thought that was a good thing for most guys!”“I’m not most guys.”“I know. If you were, I wouldn’t be asking you to do it with me. I don’t want to be a notch on someone’s bedpost.”“So how many would be too many?”“I don’t think there’s a good answer. All you can do is do what’s right at the moment and consider that your decision made sense at the time. Can I give you an example?”“Sure.”“Let’s say your magic number is four, just for argument’s sake. You’ve been with Jocelyn, Emmy, and probably Nancy, or you will be. That’s three. That means that if you don’t marry Jocelyn, Emmy, or Nancy, you’ve hit your limit and you HAVE to marry the next person you sleep.
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