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Stretching for the medicine cabinet while I peed what felt like an entire case of Victoria Bitter, I gobbled a couple of paracetamol and smeared cold-cream over my face without rubbing it in. By the time I flushed the toilet and brushed my hair, I was thinking about Kevin again and was on the slow path to recovering some of the previous night’s good cheer. Belinda was in the kitchen making coffee. “Please, please tell me you’re making one for me,” I pleaded, squinting as I shuffled into the bright daylight of the kitchen. “Regretting our actions of last night, are we?” she chirped, way too cheerfully. “Good God!” she squawked, turning around and seeing me for the first time. “What happened to your face?” “I don’t want to talk about it,” I groaned, sitting at the counter. “At least not until you’ve finished making me coffee.” She ignored me – as usual – and came over to inspect the damage. “Ouch! That hurts just to look at!” she sympathised, going back to work on the coffee machine.. Oh well maybe next time. On the Saturday I had been invited to a party. A fancy dress party. Now I don’t normally go in for things like that as I feel a bit of a twat dressing up, but the party was being held by a very old friend of mine Angelo who knows loads of people and when I accepted I was hoping to meet a likely lass. Now the thought of going to a fancy dress party was very exciting now that I had my special powers. I did still feel a bit of a fool getting into the cab dressed as a Policeman, but my eyes lit up when I saw the ratio of women to men was slightly over 50:50 which meant that there would be plenty of opportunity for fun. I have already told you that smoking is a weakness of mine. So is ‘girls dressed in uniform’, and they too could be considered bad for my health! Walking into the vast lounge of Angelo’s house, I was confronted by an obscene amount of women dressed like slutty schoolgirls, there was a nurse, a traffic warden (sad), a cave woman (not quite Raquel.
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