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” It was just a joke. Johnny told his teacher he would stop when he needed glasses. I already wore thick glasses, was rather near sighted like my dad. I wondered if he did that too much. Maybe that’s why he took up smoking.Then I moved, still alive and peered out the front door window across the street at an angle to the old McCanta house, remembering. I’d stuck a child’s garden play set rake into Pat McCanta’s head when I couldn’t take his constant bantering anymore. His mother went berserk and I went home.Later, a couple of years, his older brother Mike busted my lip with a good punch and my mother took it in stride kind of leaving me to deal with it. But now a family from Minnesota had moved in with 8 kids, also Catholics just like the McCantas. GAWD, why were there so many Catholics in the neighborhood? But anyway, the son, my age, Greg, had to sleep in the basement because there was no room upstairs with all of his siblings. He slept in a little room of 2X4 studs and some. " Why? Why do I need to remember that?" Purify." I can't. Please. I can't remember that. Isn't there some other way?Any other way?" Pain."They would touch me. Reaching out for me, their hands finding me in thedark, I felt wanted for the first time. I felt seen. I felt beautifullike Sheri. I liked to make them feel good, to take care of them. Ilike to make people feel good. They would be talking, babbling likeschool girls, but when they got quiet, late at night, they would lookinto my eyes and calm down. Their breathing would become heavy andragged. They would fall asleep staring into my eyes.Penny opened her eyes. "Please," she begged. "No more." Remember."My next door neighbor's father worked at a salvage company. One day, hebrought home a barrel of porn books. I loved books. I read everything Icould when I was alone. I was always alone. The barrel was like atreasure chest to me. One of my friends read them with me in the attic.I found stories of boys being turned into girls. I.
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