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B...but I don't put down women," I stammered, "Why would I? I lovewomen." If you really loved women," Sandra said, "then you wouldn't belittlethem as girls." True, true," murmured the assembled Cambridge women."Todd," Erika continued, "Maybe it's not a question of your lovingwomen, but rather that you'd love to be a woman." Everyone nodded, andI do mean everyone at the party -- including, I noticed, to my intensemortification, the guys."You see, Todd, to deny your true nature is fascist. You're in dangerof becoming a baby-killer in Vietnam or a crazed gunman in Bostonunless you recognize yourself for what you really are -- a guy whowants to change his sex, just like Christine Jorgensen did." Right on, Erika! You tell him like it is!" shouted Patricia, pumpingher hand in a mock fascist salute."Todd, we've got to save you, or else you'll soon be voting for Nixon,"added Sandra, edging towards me, violating my personal space. They wereall crowding me. I started to panic. I could scarcely. .I love you..." She kissed my forehead and ran out of the room.In most stories like this, this is the beginning of a tale of **** and sexual abuse, but this was truly a one-time event...Colie and I were always friendly and physically affectionate, but I didn't touch her again, never masturbated in her presence, and I didn't go to prison, either.By the time she was eighteen, she explained that she hardly ever touched her birth control pills, because the sex she was having was with girls her age and older women, though I had thought she might be gay or bi for several years. She smoked early, she drank early, I guessed she was having sex early too, but I didn't see boys around her. She and her female friends had always been into horses, but not in a prissy, horse show kind of way..they were learning from a neighbor, a woman who I was sure was gay, to organize and drive Norwegian draft horses, to pull logs from the woods with sleds and horse teams...One day I expected to see her come home.
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