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Or Ms. Right, we can begin to develop the skills of compassionate relationship. We stop judging people and start relating to them instead. We recognize, first and foremost, that we’re not in a relationship to focus on how well the other person is learning their lessons, but rather to focus on learning our own.The ego defends against love, not fear. Pain in relationships can be perversely comfortable pain, in that is one we know. We’re used to it. I once heard a tape by Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, in which he told of seeing a newspaper article about an abused baby being taken away from his mother. As a police matron tried to take the baby, he kept struggling to remain in his mother’s arms. Although his mother was the one who beat him, she was the one he knew. He was used to her. He wanted to remain in familiar territory.This story illustrates our relationship to our own egos. The ego is our pain, but it is what we know, and we resist moving out of it. The effort it takes. I amtotally transfixed when I come across a maid or a cleaner wearing theirworking dresses and matching aprons, I can't really take my eyes of them!My parents were the exact opposites of each other and very traditional intheir respective roles. My father Roger Allen was the strong mindedhighly opinionated guy who was always right. He was big and slightlyoverweight but he loved my mother, or this is what I was thinking at thetime as he was always polite and never cruel to her.My mother Adele was a petite very feminine woman and the 'intellectual'of the family. She was always with a book in her hands and she was anactive member of various book and cinema clubs and was not at allinvolved in any housekeeping. I often had the impression that she wasabsent minded and self-absorbed in her own world, something that as Ifound out later was some sort of fa?ade and her 'defence mechanism' sincemy father was not what he appeared to be after all.As a result, the house was run by our Filipina live.
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