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She wrote of mundane, everyday things around school and her house, and it made my heart ache with sadness. She carefully avoided mentioning anything about my past idiocy - idiocies? - and the tone of her letter was deliberately neutral.I read it three times in a row, and put it carefully in my desk drawer for safekeeping. I pulled out a spiral notebook of my own, and I began my letter back to her. I tried to keep my tone as careful as she had been, and several times I had to scratch out sentences and phrases that reeked of the pitiable fool I had become. I kept at it, though, until I had a reasonably coherent reply. I read it over several times, making minor revisions, until I was satisfied it didn't sound too awful. I copied it onto fresh sheets, tore them out, and I trimmed the edge with scissors, just like Kayla had done. I knew she would notice I had used the same kind of paper as she had. It was something I knew she would see right away, and it felt like the right thing to do. I. But perhaps that is all that I have left to me? Perhaps sexual feeling is something I can create and enjoy in my own mind, private to me, secret from them.The feelings of sexual arousal torment me more and more. I have to do something about it. I have to hide it from them but I have to find some relief, even if there really is nowhere to hide.When my work is over, as soon as I'm back in my cell, as soon as the door is locked and the lights have faded and I am alone, I lay on the mattress with my legs spread wide and bring myself off. I am so horny that it does not take long thank goodness, because I don't know when they'll be back. At first there's the sense of relief and I lick my fingers to clean up, taking delight in the taste and the smell of something I have done for me.As the release of orgasm fades, I'm astonished at my own behaviour. When the feelings began, I brought myself off secretly at night, when I thought they might not be able to see. But the desire for release just.
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