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Then I remembered "the local cafe serves breakfast until 11."Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said, "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?" You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."A man is seeking to join the Vancouver Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview says:"Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six. "My head was churning as we drove to her house. Where did that come from? Obviously, she had adapted Doug's analogy to fit her purpose, but it didn't sound to me like something she made up on the spur of the moment.With two exceptions, our weekend went as I'd laid it out, which I'd done on the spur of the moment by the way. The first exception really wasn't one because she got my permission to add a scarf to the top I'd chosen for her to wear to the club the night we had dinner with our parents. The scarf was green, of course.The other exception was the cancellation of the pool party on account of rain. It was pouring when I started my trip to Marcie's house and it rained all day. We had to change our plans of lying on the giant rock for the heart to heart I'd promised her. We shared an umbrella and made it to the horse barn, where we settled down in an empty horse stall."Don't you just love the smell?" Marcie asked."Yeah, horse shit is my favorite aroma," I quipped."No, silly, smell.
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