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I was shaking and angry and full of adrenaline. I don’t know exactly why I was angry, except my twenty-four-year old girlfriend just informed me that she had a heart attack, but was acting like it was no big deal and for some reason that really pissed me off. But I wanted to be with her as soon as possible and see for myself if she was really okay. I realized the hospital was not that far, but it would take two subways to get there, so I flagged down a taxi for the first time and told him to get me to Lenox hospital. I swear I could have run there faster, there was so much adrenaline surging through me and my mind was going crazy wondering how the hell Alicia could have a heart attack. So, I asked the cab driver, ‘You ever hear of a young girl having a heart attack?’ ‘Yeah, if they have a heart condition or if they’re on amphetamines,’ was his answer. I wished I hadn’t asked. He got me to the hospital and I paid him and jumped out and asked the lady at the front desk where I could. You said it was just because I was small and sopretty. I remember you using the word pretty. And sometimes even when Igrew older, you would sit me down at your dressing table and put makeupon my face and call me beautiful.Well, when I told Mrs. Ryan those stories she insisted we try out thesame thing. She sat me down at her dressing table and put makeup on myface. When Daddy saw it, he said I was beautiful. He used the wordslovely and pretty, too. It made me feel loved like you used to make mefeel.Occasionally, Daddy will ask me to go make myself beautiful and Mrs. Ryanand I will go off to the bedroom and we will spend hours in there until Iam beautiful for daddy.My father would always yell at you and me when he found me made pretty byyou. He would get all upset and throw things around and scare me. Daddyis much to nice and never yells or screams at Mrs. Ryan or me.After a year with the Ryans, I am much healthier. My body is firm and Ihave a much nicer smile. But, I do have to share.
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