"Your dad is scared you'll turn out the same way. He feels very guilty about his brother's death, and he's blaming himself that you're gay." Shut the fuck up. I don't know how you know that, but you have no right to... " What? Tell him the truth? You blame yourself for your brother's death even though you were two hundred miles away at college when he got attacked. So if you don't tell him the rest, I will. It's your choice." The rest? I don't understand. If you didn't attack him, then why do you blame yourself?"His father was now staring at me with a blank expression, his eyes distant while he was wallowing in his memories. I waited him out, letting him decide one way or the other.Finally, his father whispered, "I... If I hadn't talked him into... He wouldn't have become gay if I hadn't asked him to... "Eric's dad shuddered, then he covered his face with his hands."When your dad was sixteen and Eric was thirteen, he talked Eric into sucking his dick. After that first time, Eric. Henry, she admitted to herself, had been an attractive man; she'd acknowledged it to herself then, and did so again now, but had to concede that Caerys' observation had been right. It hadn't mattered to her then, and despite her ability to appreciate the woman sleeping before her, it didn't matter to her now, either.She half-remembered her first experience, mildly drunk in a student flat on the outskirts of Lyon, and the guilt and discomfort she'd felt the following day. She remembered the lack of enthusiasm with which she'd approached such things with her husband; it wasn't that she hadn't wanted to be with him, it was that she'd not felt any strong desire to share that with him.And yet, something still held her back. It wasn't, she realised, that the idea repulsed her, so much as she expected it to. She wasn't a puritan, was well aware that such things happened, but hadn't had any experience of it. She didn't know anyone like that, or at least she wasn't aware that anyone she knew.
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