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Either my acting was good enough to hide the hurt I felt, or no one was paying me enough attention to notice. One small part of my brain knew I was over-reacting, but that part was swamped by a sea of emotions. Though my mind was in turmoil, I wouldn’t let myself break down and cry in a public place. But it was like trying to hold back a tsunami, so I needed to be as far away from others as humanly possible when the wave broke. I abandoned my plan to stay in Sheffield overnight and made a swift exit under cover of the race.No part of my response to the situation was rational. The future psychobabble would involve retrogressive grief over my parents, triggered by the perceived loss of a family member, or some such bollocks. But I didn’t have that level of self-awareness as Torrin drove me back toward London. And the closer we got, the more intense my anxiety grew. Perhaps it was fear of my remaining family rejecting me as Charlie had, or perhaps it was ‘run and hide’ instinct. The. She attendedshowers that were thrown for her friends from other groups that shebelonged to. Each one of these events produced more opportunities to meetmore friends, which led to more baby showers.These showers did more for Gina than expand her network of friends. Itreminded her of her condition. She was a young woman of child-bearingage, the same age as almost all of her peers. It was at one of theseshowers that this fact really sunk into Gina.Gina was watching the expectant mother open her gifts when the womansitting next to her asked her a very simple question, 'have you everthought about having kids?"Kids! Gina thought to herself. If I had kids that would make me a mother.To be a mother would mean that I would have to give birth. and I wouldgive birth only after being pregnant for nine months. The thought ofbeing pregnant brought Gina back to reality.The pregnancy and labor & delivery process scared Gina, as it does mostyoung women who have never had a baby before. Then.
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