I know that I would have loved her and cherished her during the first difficult real encounter and long afterward. She had been my first true love, and I loved her still for holding that place in my heart. What Ruth had needed was me to be the man I was today, but back then I was still just a boy with no clue in the universe of how to break the sexual stalemate we'd found ourselves in. We were both virgins trapped in a fantasy, with no concept of how adults dealt with these issues.At nineteen, I was horrified at the concept of "forcing" myself on anyone, and had no idea that sometimes a man is expected to be sexually aggressive in order to prove his worthiness. Some young males at this age go too far to the other extreme, and think every "no" uttered by a potential mate is really a yes in disguise. I was so worried about coming across as a sexual bully that I played the role of "Mr. Nice Guy" to the hilt, forgetting that it's often this type of behavior that turns a woman off. Some. "Please don't," she said. "Just give me a minute to freshen up in the bathroom." "Very well," said the taller man. "But don't be too long. We're on a tightschedule and I always honor my contracts." I bet you do, she thought, hurrying to her bathroom. I just bet you do. The men settled into her plush lounge chairs. She knew they could see photosof her on the television set of when she was a little girl and there was alarge one of her graduating high school. There were ones of her graduatingcollege, getting married and her two kids, a boy and a girl at age nine, butshe put them away. This weekend was about her and not them. Besides, it mighthelp if they thought she only graduated high school. She was sure it did lasttime. Looking at herself critically in the big bathroom mirror, she noted hershortcomings. She was fat. Not fat enough to take up a whole park bench orfrighten an airline pilot, thank goodness, but enough for men to continuallyrag her about it. She'd been ragged.
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