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I want to talk about the impossible dream of a life we could have together. I want to hear him say that he loves me just as much as I love him. But I can't because he does not love me. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the. She no longer looked like a young girl... she looked very much like a woman.Jimmy had put on a short, silk robe with nothing underneath. He could already feel his penis begin to erect as he walked over to the bed. He looked down at his mother, his heart pounding in his chest. In his hand, he carried the last marijuana cigarette that Todd had given him. His hand was sweating and trembling slightly.When Jimmy opened his hand, his mom sat up. He bent and tenderly kissed her lips then sat on the side of the bed and used one of the candles to light the joint. He had to hold the candle with both hands, or risk dropping it from his shaking hand. Jimmy took the first puff and handed the joint to his mom. Soon the room was filled with the pungent odor of pot. Neither one of them had a problem smoking the pot this time. In fact, the drug seemed to work even faster then before. Almost before the last puff was taken, both mother and son were feeling the effects. The shimmering light in the room.
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