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They saw what I was doing and that I was drawn to them. James approached me first and talked to me in my room when I was all alone. He said that he had noticed that I was drawn to them and their big dicks. He then told me to go to the English Literature building after 6 PM and go to the upper men’s room and wait in the last stall.I just sat there in some kind of daze or shock. I couldn’t believe what James told me! I kept telling myself “I am straight, not a homo!” This was before the term gay was used; if you liked men as a man you were a fag or homo. And these guys were both black – a double societal no no. A few hours later I looked at my watch it was 5:45 PM. Did I want to go through with this? If I hurried I could make it over there to the English building at six. I started to get horny just thinking about James and Malcolm huge dicks. I practically ran across campus, scampering up the stairs to the top floor, and walked down to the men’s room. The floor creaked as I walked.. Mum says I had been very friendly and then suddenly I was veryshy and clingy. I do kind of remember that. I really hated it when shewasn't there. This is all why I was seeing the psychologist. And ofcourse when my stepdad got run over, when I was ten, I totally freakedout all over again. I felt like my nightmares were coming true and Iwent totally hysterical at the funeral, shrieking and sobbing likecrazy. But why I got obsessed with car crashes in the first place Icannot remember. Maybe that's not so weird. I was only four. But still,I feel like there's some black hole in my life, right there, likesomething terrible, not just my dad, happened that might, I don't know,explain everything. God, listen to me. I sound like a nutter. Nothingmakes sense, right, unless you find the secret. And then everything'sclear. Yeah, right!***I've just had a very strange dream. It started off like some of my oldnightmares used to. I'm a wee girl again, in bed, and Daddy Bastard islooming over me, like.
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