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"Shit." I muttered again, looking back at Evelyn who seemed to be still in shock. "I...I..." I stopped, not sure what I could possibly say. I turned away from Evelyn again and stared at my chest...at my crotch, caught in a maelstrom of confused emotions. And when I hesitantly touched my...vagina, I felt my own hysteria start to burst forth. "Carl?" Evelyn whispered while I started to panic. I could see her own beginning to come out as well and wished that I could comfort her, but I couldn't even comfort myself. Somehow, though I wasn't sure how, I managed to raise enough self control to close my eyes and start counting to ten. With every count I took a slow deep breath, and as I let it back out the tension seemed to flow along with the air. Finally, after what seemed a long time, I opened my eyes again and looked at Evelyn, still confused and afraid but no longer allowing those feelings to control me. I was the one in control, not my emotions. "It's all right Evelyn." I lied,. A year without pain. I’d looked upon him a thousand times, but that morning he was the most beautiful thing ever created. The shimmer of rosy gold gave him the incandescence of an angel. I looked upon him like I’d never seen beauty before in my life. If I could have poured that joy into him so that he wouldn’t only know it, but feel it, I would have. But I just smiled to myself. My softened lips touched his scruffy face with a dry delicateness that I hoped would not stir him from such a needed sleep. His scent filled me. I curled beside him, but I could no longer sleep. My movements must have roused him. He stirred beneath me. ‘Mmmrrrgg,’ he said. ‘Morning to you, too.’ I giggled at him. My brown hair fell over his shoulder. He stroked it gently and lazily. A groan formed in his throat as his muscles stretched beneath me. I placed my hand over his arm to feel it tighten and release. The hairs tickled my palms. His muscle hardened and relaxed. I bent toward his neck and kissed him.
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