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”The bartender says, “OK, once upon a time there were 4 bears...”3 dogs are in adjacent cages at the veterinarian. The dogs start discussing their situations.One dog offers, “Man, I really blew it. I chewed up the brand new couch and my owners said it was the last straw, so they brought me here to be put down. What about you guys?”The next dog says, “I bit the mailman for the last time. My owners said they couldn’t risk it anymore, so they brought me here to be put down.”“Bummer,” says the first dog.“yeah, I know,” replies the second.They both look at the third dog, “what about you, what’s your story?”“Well, my master’s wife likes to do housework in the nude. This morning she was scrubbing the kitchen floor on her hands and knees when I came thru the kitchen door. I looked at her and couldn’t help myself. I just ran over there and started humping her like crazy.”“Oh my,” exclaimed the first 2 dogs, “I can understand why she would want to put you down for that.”“Oh, I’m not here to be. .. yes, but —”“Goodbye, Gina, hope you both have a good life.”I broke the connection, but Gina kept on ringing me. I didn’t answer, except a couple of times I pressed the decline switch. She pinged texts, she rang me again and again. I was on a motorway but not really heading anywhere, and certainly not heading home, it was no longer ‘home’ for me. I just needed to do something, anything but talk to Gina. Then she bloody well rang me again, this time using someone else’s number. I answered.“H, we need to talk—” she said.I hung up and threw the phone on the passenger seat.This was an emergency, I felt, so pulled off onto the hard shoulder. I took the phone that was ringing again, walked up to the corrugated road barrier, and hurled that phone as far into the unlit inky blackness of the empty countryside as I could.Almost as soon as it left my hand I knew I would have trouble contacting my two kids because their numbers were recorded on that phone and nowhere else. I knew I had Sophia.
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