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"--and I made one good friend After, so I guess my platonic track record is okay. But ... If I want to find a boyfriend eventually, well ... I mean, eventually I have to tell him. And odds are nine-to-one that he'll freak out and dump me." Yes, but the same thing holds true if you're a guy," Devin said. "Let's say we figure out how to make you the most convincing guy the world has ever seen. You spit, you play football, you gargle beer, you turn into a slob, you don't shave your body hair. You get a glue-on beard. And you meet a girl, and she really likes you and you really like her ... And then, when you guys are about to, ahem, get funky together--" Get what?" said Nancy, incredulous." When you guys are about to get funky together," Devin repeated, grinning, "then you have to take your pants off and you reveal that you're, umm, kind of missing all that equipment." The familiar male block-and-tackle," Madison said, quoting the gynecologist."Yeah, that stuff," said Devin. "Or imagine. Not that we even had a mayor, the town was governed by a council, but we were sure that they would find someone to rape if they got loose.If there was a large enough group on the road, I wanted to greet them with a catapult load of stones. The Captain knew what we planned, and he had orders to make sure his force was well clear of the roadway as quickly as possible.Then, as the pirates crossed the bridge, we would fire our arrow-engine down the length of the bridge. Hopefully, that would cause some more casualties and slow them down. Whether we had time to pull the arrow-engine back to safety and repairs or not would depend upon how many pirates survived and how close they were.As they got over the bridge and ran for the gate, they would come under fire from our strongpoints, the two defensive ‘towers’ on either side. They would be manned by every archer we had left and guarded by spears to stop anyone from climbing up and killing the archers.The instant that the first pirate crossed.
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