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My silence unnerved Austin and he began to apologize profusely. His behavior was born out of need, he explained. He wasn’t allowed to express himself sexually, and he didn’t entirely agree with that aspect of his religion. I only knew what my Father, the ordained Church of God minister, had taught me about right and wrong. I was ignorant to the Catholic beliefs, but I had enough remorse to know being with a Priest was very wrong. I also felt the need to cover myself. Although I was fully clothed at the time of Austin’s revelation, I somehow needed to shield myself from him to appease my guilt over the nasty sins I had committed. ‘Oh, my God,’ I remember whispering, ‘I’m going straight to Hell.’ Austin’s voice was sympathetic and soothing as he explained to me that I had done nothing wrong. He took full responsibility for my guilt, and his sweet way of tending to my embarrassment was strangely endearing. His voice became husky with the restraint of unleashed tears, and I didn’t. " the Mother Superior broke off, evidently unable to continue her description of the scene, "This is so serious a breach of discipline that you could be expelled from the convent and excommunicated. If that happens you would be simply put outside the Convent door, on the street, in a simple shift with no other clothing, no shoes, no money, no provisions, and no hope of help from the Church. I have spoken to the Bishop about this matter, and he agrees that you cannot stay here." But Reverend Mother, where shall I go? What could I do?" I have no doubt that if we put you out on the street someone would soon find you and put you to work, probably in a house of ill-repute, or perhaps working in a factory where you would be used by the men in charge as well as toiling fourteen hours a day, until you eventually end up, as do all excommunicates, in Hell for all eternity." Reverend Mother, I know I have broken my vows, and I know I have not been a good nun, but surely I don't deserve Hell's.
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