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And then I moved to Australia, the other side of the world where the threat was very distant.”Col looked at me, her voice soft. “Can you tell me why you ... tried again?”My breathing sped up as I looked into my past which was again my future. “I never really fitted in anywhere. I knew I couldn’t be a pilot, but I tried and, of course, I failed. My doubts about my worth in every job I did would get reinforced by something going wrong in my life. I would despair at putting myself in that place of pain yet again and that would push me towards ... that solution.”Col glanced at the closed bedroom door and then leaned forward, taking my hands back in hers. “Willi, you do fit in – you fit with me and Mutti and now Lili. You must learn to trust yourself – if you don’t fit in somewhere, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.”I sighed. “Col, I’m worried that this time I am even more different because of what has happened to me.”“But you have seventy years of experience to help.. She steadied herself by putting her hand on my back.“Are you going to drink as well ‘cos it’s not fair if it’s only us two getting pissed?”“Of course,” I said and turned round to head to the fridge. I don’t think she was trying anything with me but she didn’t step back as I did this and hence my arm and then chest rubbed past the end of her hard to hide boobs.'Christ, they felt so good.' I thought as my brain calculated and then stored away the fulsome sensation.The scent of her fruity perfume floated around me and an image of her spraying it into her deep cleavage earlier in the evening suddenly popped into my head. I imagined the source of the dizzying scent, moistening her skin and squashed between those warm mounds.“Sorry,” she mumbled as her cheeks blushed and she stepped back.“No worries, I was just gonna grab another cider from the fridge. Do you want another G&T?”“I’ve had quite a few already but fuck it, what the hell,” she replied.She moved to the dining table and sat down.
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