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‘I prefer women to men as my partner,’ I muttered, almost whispering in an apologetic tone, weeping uncontrollably. I could see the colour of her face go from red to pale, as I explained the switch, the delicate difference in lovemaking and companionship, the therapy, and the Kinsey scale. ‘But you’re not entirely gay, the test says...you’re also drawn to men, focus on the small percentage,’ she rebuked, adding that she’d talk to my father. What still resonates with me, however, is how she used very few words to correlate law regulations in India with her fear as a parent. ‘The government doesn’t support your status, how do you expect me to approve?’ she explained calmly. ‘Getting by life as a woman is difficult as is. I can’t imagine how you’d negotiate being a woman and gay in India.’ This was in 2013, when the Supreme Court upheld 377, criminalising homosexual sex. In some ways, it was the best coming-out encounter I could have hoped for—we both cried, she articulated her concerns. "Well, let me know if you don't mind, i'd love to be there" she said and left it at that.The rest of the lunch conversation was spent in catching up with each others' stories. what they had gone to do after college, their careers and their families. Urmila couldn't help noticing that C kept his eyes on his plate and talked only when talked to. He wasn't eyeing her body parts surreptiously but instead made intelligent conversation without being a jackass like most men did. She noticed the obedience in his tone when he said he did not mind getting them more tissues. "All men ought to be like this! at the very least the one i marry" Urmila thought to herself. He was extremely handsome too, Urmila's mind went to the few movies she had seen unclothed men in. She imagined C walking slowly back with the tissues stark naked and his eyes downcast, "would his genitals jiggle like in that hollow man movie as he walked?", "would he cover his manhood with both his hands and stand with his legs.
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