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I suppose that in some way, this inability of hers to trust him in this regard was the seed for what was to come.My dad became frustrated with my mother's attitude. He tried to work hard to prove himself to her. It was not enough. He began to give up, and he began to assuage his feelings with drink.It did not take long for his drinking to lead to violence.By the time that I was eight, I knew only too well the fear a child knows when parents fight. I would lay and cry for hours as I listened to them scream at each other on the other side of the house. I would tremble when I heard the furniture being knocked over. I hated it.My only respite was the comfort that I would find in my mother's arms after my father would leave the house. She would come to my room and she would take me in her arms and coax me into sleep. Often, I would awaken in her arms as well.I had two distinct impressions at that age. One was that my mother was a beautiful loving gentle person, and I wanted to be just. She raised the problem with Sophie Parkinson, the vicar's wife, who was sympathetic but matter of fact."I can't make up your mind for you, Molly dear, but I could ask you some questions which might help you to do so."Molly nodded. "Thanks." I'm sorry but I don't know your late husband's name." Ned." Do you love James as much as you did Ned?" Ooph! Are they all going to be as difficult as this?"Sophie smiled. "Could be." It's a different love. Ned and I were ten years younger. My falling for James hasn't had the same heady rush as with Ned. It's crept slowly up on me but there is no doubt that I have come to love him and want to live with him." Love can make one very selfish but yet you are clearly thinking about both children which indicates that it hasn't had that effect on you. Have you discussed it with James?" Yes. Not in great detail but he understands my concerns." What are his views?" He acknowledges that Gina will be hurt again like when her mother died when her nanny leaves.
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