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The shit I used to think was confidence now seems like lazyness, his bravado seems like dim-wittedness. I know he hasn't changed. It's the same him, the same shit, but I'm different now. It feels dissonant; frightening. Like I thought I knew what I wanted, and it wore a leather jacket and smelled like engine-oil and booze, and rode motorcycles with a devil-may-care attitude, and bent me over those motorcycles and fucked me with that same devil-may-care attitude. But now it all just seems a little... adolescent. Small. Ethan, me, all of it.So when he held on to my wrist with that shark-tooth grin, all fucking drunk and stanky, not letting me go until he got what he wanted.. I think I wanted to feel that again. I wanted to feel.. smaller. I wanted to feel like everything was normal, and Ethan knew what he was doing, and what he was doing was my mouth. So I dropped to my knees, and nuzzled into his crotch. I felt him go hard as I unzipped him and fished out his cock. I spit on it, how. .. his big, thick black cock betweenmy-I realised Marcus' shower had stopped and he was busy towelling offbehind me. My head whipped round and caught a brief sight of his cockthudding against his toned thigh before I looked away hastily and triedto finish my own shower as quickly as I could. Before long I was onceagain clothed, my cage hidden from view, and able to relax again foranother day. Miss Stevens had been right - there was no way I'd be ableto keep all the secrecy up for a year - but I wasn't ready to reveal alljust yet.The knowledge that I'd been the one involved in the incident ofharassment against Marcus' younger sister that had landed him in prisonloomed guiltily over me too. I knew Miss Stevens had said she wasn'tinclined to tell him yet, and I certainly didn't fancy being the one tobreak the news, but given how supportive and kind he was being to me Icouldn't bear it. I didn't deserve such praise and encouragement. I wasan emotional mess, a physically and mentally weak.
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