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And all this was begging the question: was the rest of his life going to be about Shahia? It seemed so silly to be thinking about this when they'd never even kissed. Well, almost never, he said in response a very clear memory: she had kissed him once, a memory he cherished a great deal.All this was more reason to hold off, to keep his distance. The one thing that truly focused his thinking was April, when Shahia's money ran out: what could he do to manufacture a miracle?Looking at the question like this had underlined for him just how much Shahia had lost. He, at least, could choose where he stood about this. Shahia had no choices at all, just the desperate desire to hold on — another reason to keep any relationship they might have clearly separate from a resolution of her situation.Even finding a family that could take her and the kids in would be difficult — he more clearly understood that now. As a hypothetical case, he'd imagined his parents adopting the four of them. But he saw. I knew it was wrong, but I wondered how Samantha felt about it. I went into her room to see if there was anything that could explain how she felt. I opened her nightstand to see a small notebook, it read "My Diary". I didn't want to evade her privacy, but the curiosity was overwhelming and took it anyway. I sat back on the couch and began to read, the first date ever recorded was when she was 16. The date I knew only so well, the day I left for the Navy. I already knew what it was going to say and continued on. I read a couple of entry's about some failed relationships and how she was trying to find the 'one'. After skipping a couple of pages something caught my eye, I returned to the page and it was dated about 4 months ago. I started to read the page;"We just got news that Emily had been in a serious crash, and was recovering in the hospital."I stopped reading for a second, I thought she died instantly? I continued to read."As she got discontinued at the hospital, she told me.
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