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I hid my face with my hair so no-one would see me so upset. Finally, to my relief, the class was over and I picked up my bag and ran from the room, desperate to get home so I could grieve privately.At home, I was relieved that Jermaine was out. We’d moved into a realm where we cried privately and went about doing our own thing. We didn’t cry in front of each other: somehow sharing our tears would have made the whole nightmare even more unbearable.Having undressed, I put on my bathrobe before flopping onto my bed where I sobbed into the pillow until there were no more tears left. It felt like sand had replaced moisture in my ducts. Grief is exhausting, and crying always made me tired as well as providing the mother of all headaches.I fell asleep at some point, sheer exhaustion overtaking me. My mind shut off, like a window blind being pulled down to block out the dark of the night. Self-preservation, I suppose.Anyway, I awoke to Jermaine’s knock on my door. ‘Are you ready for something. I wanted to ask how she could betray me like that. I wanted to demand the guy's name so I could go to his place and break several bones. But I couldn't do any of that. That would make me a true hypocrite and I owed it to Shawna, after all I had done with Jenny, to give her the benefit of the doubt."Why?" I asked."It was a sexual thing," she said. "That's all. It was just about the sex. I still love you. I love you more than I ever have." But our sex life has been so great lately." I know it has! That's not the problem. The problem isn't the sex we've been having. It's been wonderful." So what was the problem? What did I do to drive you into the arms of another man?" That's just it," she said softly. "It wasn't another man."For a moment, I didn't understand. Then the impact of what she had said struck me. Shawna had gone off to a hotel with a female co-worker. She had cheated on me with another woman. My mind felt like a cog spinning with no chain."I don't understand," I said."When I.
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