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She was pleased to hear that. We talked for about half an hour, and during that period I continuously felt that mom is consciously avoiding talking about dad. Under her warm facade of happiness, there was clearly a streak of sadness.Next time, when mom tried to change the subject after mentioning dad, I could not control my suspicion. “Mom, why aren’t you talking about dad? Is everything all right?”Mom’s face was suddenly pale as if someone has sucked the blood out of it, and she started crying. I put my arm around her. Mom kept her face on my shoulder and continued crying.“Please tell me mom,” I let her cry for some time. “What’s the matter, why don’t you tell me?”She finally turned to me; her eyes wet with tears.“I didn’t know how to tell you, your dad has a girlfriend.”“What?” I couldn’t believe what mom was saying. “Girlfriend!”“Yes Ted, your father is spending the holidays with his girlfriend in Jamaica.” Mom appeared somewhat relieved after telling the truth. “And you know who. All I was left with was charred bones - no trace of you was left inthem. I abandoned them in a pile of rotten food.I returned to the bleak, grey room we had shared for your final months.I had never given much thought to our lack of material possessionsbefore, but looking around now I realised there was nothing left toremind me of you apart from a box of clothes and a bare mattress stainedwith your failing body's fluids. The numbness I had felt all day gaveway and I found myself sitting on the floor sobbing. You had been mywhole life for so long. I no longer felt like I had a soul of my own; Iwas just an adjunct to you. Now that you were gone what was left of mylife made no sense. It was as if I had died instead: my head was fullof you, with no room left for me.Without thought I took my stale clothes off and left them in a loosepile on the floor. Using the cold water I had used to wash your body Ibathed myself, a half-conscious attempt to form a last bond with you.Shivering, I.
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