.. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.11. The Coffee Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.12. Murphy’s Law of Lockers If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.13. Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.14. Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.15. Law of Physical Appearance If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.16. Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO. It didn’t feel weird, either, it was like hugging Ernest at Mom and Dad’s. ‘Take care of yourself,’ he said as he let me go. ‘You too.’ ‘And take the money with you.’ ‘Come on, you guys put me up for four days.’ ‘I’m just going to send the money back to you.’ He would, too. All I could come up with was, ‘Well, it’s your postage stamp.’ ‘Get out of here,’ he said as his cell phone rang. A couple of hours later I was heading south, waiting for my cup of mini-mart coffee to cool down to the temperature of magma while the voice of Ricky Skaggs reminded me that we were taking the Dixie Highway home. I hadn’t bought any cigarettes and there wasn’t a lot to do, so I dialed my phone. ‘Hinkle Brick and Stucco,’ Brenda’s voice said in a tone that meant: It’s Friday, don’t push me. ‘Hey, Bren, it’s Isaac.’ ‘Hey!’ Her voice brightened. ‘Where are you?’ ‘I don’t know. Somewhere in Virginia.’ I was trying not to flop. Then words channeled from some other, bigger brain than mine. ‘Hey, you doing.
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