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And though, I was curious what sex as a woman would be like, I didn't want to risk getting pregnant since this would create yet another possible excuse for Cindy to leave me like this.I was beginning to notice that I was starting to think more in long terms as far as my womanhood. It was silly I knew. I was born a man and I should be a man. I no longer felt that it was a preference. I had found many wonderful things about being a woman I think I like being both equally.Dinner at home turned into a weekly thing. Mother would sit and listen to me prattle on and on about the wedding. She would drop hints about that it was time I started looking for a nice man to settle down with. The thought of having sex with a man still scared me. I felt that it was like the last piece of my former manhood would disappear if I allowed that to happen. I liked being a woman and more specifically Carol. I didn't think I wanted to be Carol for the rest of my life. After all, I did spend twenty-five years. I took a few deep breaths and splashed water onto my face. ‘Get a hold of yourself,’ I said. I almost wished that I had not come. I know it was my cousin but all of the sorrow coupled with my own was already beginning to overwhelm me. As the day rolled on, I struggled to keep my composure among the assault of emotion that were all around me. When the dinner break came, I was incredibly grateful. Stepping out of the funeral home, I took a deep breath of the frigid, cold air into my lungs. The events of the day had left me with very little appetite but I still forced myself to eat.When my phone rang and it was my boyfriend, I could not help but think thank god I am going to have a shoulder during the night service. Little did I know I would have so much more than just his shoulder to cry on. After dinner, we all headed back for the night service. On the short ride back, I tried to prepare myself. When we got back, I sat down on couches along one wall of the room. My boyfriend sat.
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