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My mother was alone in the kitchen making coffee when I entered. I stood at the door and looked at her. I wanted the pain I had caused her to be sharpened to a point and stabbed through my heart to make me bleed for my sins.I launched into my confession in a clear voice. "Mom, I am so sorry for the way I've treated you the past two months."She started, turned toward me, and dropped the coffee carafe full of cold water to the floor. It smashed, throwing glass and water in a wide circle. She stepped through the water and glass fragments as I rushed to her. As I hugged her I could hear the crunching under our feet. It sounded as if we were treading on the remains of our broken hears.I cried into the neck of her terry cloth robe, my tears vanishing into the soft white cotton. Her arms squeezed the breath out of me. I picked her up and swung her out of the watery mess and set her by the door."I am sorry. My behavior was wrong, and I want to make up for it."She took my face in her hands. The Sergeant smiled at me and the monks bowed to both Chanthra and me, as we joined then sitting on the ground. One monk was reciting something in what I took to be Pali, and he was doing it from memory since there was no light here to read by. The others repeated his mantra, but I was having trouble wrapping my tongue around the words that were strange to me. After a short time, Chanthra stopped following the mantra for a minute to speak to me in English."Do not worry, my Guardian, if you have trouble with the words. Your being here will be sufficient to impress the others," she told me before joining the men in the mantra again. I just sat there and went over some prayers and Bible passages that I remembered and thought would be appropriate for the occasion.We were there for a good hour and a-half before the next relay of guards arrived to relieve us. My legs were all cramped up from the position that we had been sitting in all of this time, and I needed to stretch them out some.
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