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I don’t know why we lost it. I wish he’d help me fix it. I even asked about counseling again, but he told me ‘Absolutely not’. He said the marriage was something I had to fix, not him.”Brad James handed her the other diary open to a page near the end. “And validate and read this page please.”“Yes, this is mine, dated August 19, 2016, Friday. Brian sent me several text messages during the day. Every one was a downer and made me feel badly about myself. ‘Why are you even living you are so worthless?’ ‘How can you stand to be around other people? Don’t you know they’re laughing at you behind your back?’ ‘Since we got married you’ve done nothing but change for the worse.’ ‘You exist. Is that the best you can do? Wouldn’t the world be a better place without you?’ At home that night, he went on a rant about how I never remembered what he liked for dinners or drinks, and that I was always fucking up. He said similar things to me the day before, too; one I remember especially, ‘Your dying. I call him my knight and my soul aches to properly reward him for all that he’s done and continues to do.That is not yet my place, however. That’s because the first claim upon his heart is YOURS. He has told me of what happened on that fateful trip, and I have seen the scars that still lay on his soul from that. That leads me to my one and only complaint.Please, sister, if you will let me claim that title, PLEASE, update your avatar to reflect your adulthood when you talk to Alex, whether in your messages, or in more immediate conversations. I venture to guess you do it because you want to still be that girl he wanted nothing more than to protect when foul traitors to your House unleashed their designs upon you. And he does still see you that way, in part. That is part of his problem.He still sees you as the “One he could not save”, despite the fact that he did everything that could conceivably be asked of a scared boy. And I saw his face in that unguarded moment where he started to.
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