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“Oh, nice shot,” Charlie congratulated him. “Wish I could put like that. I just don’t seem to have the feel for it.” Well, from what I’ve seen so far,” Gerrard told Charlie after she had sunk her own ball, “your long game and putting are ok. It’s the approach game that needs some work.” They played the second and third in a nicely relaxed manner. There was no-one else on the course although they could occasionally here sounds coming from its bigger neighbour. Gerrard offered advice where he felt it was needed. As he had said, her driving from the tee wasn’t bad at all and her putting was ok too. Maybe a little work on that later, but nothing too serious. It was in between where the trouble lay. On the fourth Charlie played a dire tee shot, though and the ball swung off to the left and into the trees. Gerrard had watched her play the shot and was surprised given how well she had teed off at the earlier holes. It was almost as if she had meant to do it. Playing his own shot onto. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone.
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