Walking towards the easel she stared at the blank paper waiting for her touch, then she looked over the sketches scattered across the floor. She pulled out a cigarette, lit it, took a long drag and slowly exhaled. The smoke lingered, wrapping itself around the easel giving it an ethereal frontage back lit by the late morning suncreating swirling, dancing figures that mesmerized Blackie. As she stared hypnotically at the undulating smoke the image of her brother appeared to her, mouthing her name. Startled she jumped back a step rubbing her eyes and when she looked again, he was gone. Reaching out she touched the sketch paper, it was cool and smooth, there was nothing of Daniel there, it had all been in her mind. She was losing it, her mind was failing her and now she was hallucinating. ‘I’m standing on the threshold of madness.’ She thought. ‘But aren’t all artists mad?’ she asked of no one, pacing the floor and smoking feverishly on her cigarette. ‘Van Gogh cut off his ear, Latrec. But neither option seemed to work out.So lots of times it tented my skirt in the back or worse, flipped myskirt up. I looked at all the new clothes, all dresses, skirts and other feminineclothing. Not a single pair of pants between them or was there? Then Ispotted something between two skirts, and YES, Mom did buy me some pants.Actually they were slacks, but I was already glad it was some kind ofpants.Then my mood dropped again, only two pair of pants with this whole heapof girl things. That reminded me about something else, I needed a newname. I was a girl now and would likely be that for the rest of my life.As if things weren't bad enough already, my tail seemed to get its ownmind again and swished my skirt up and I caught a brief view of mypantied bottom in the mirror. 'Oh no, what if this happens in the street,or worse, at school?'Full of fear, I ran up the stairs to the roof and clambered up on theledge. As I looked out over the new sights of this city, I could feeltears forming.
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