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I was out of my mind. I cried and sobbed for three full hours. I grieved for my relationship with both my parents, my sister, Judy, all the selfish thoughtless tricks I had pulled on people, I didn't know what to do about singing, Al, Rosalie or anything else. Now I had just crapped all over my friend Michael after fucking him like a total crazy woman. And I had gotten myself knocked up, too.My life was shit. I was shit.I just stayed there in bed until it got dark, and I didn't turn any lights on. I didn't sleep and I just laid there in the dark until I saw the light break through the window about 6:00 a.m.I didn't do much for the next three days. I kept going over the fuck I had with Michael from the time we were on the bus until I threw him out. I had just wanted to fuck him like a normal girl, and then, as I said, I was begging him to fuck me, ass and pussy and back, piss in my face, slap me, spit on me, all kinds of crazy stuff. I think the idea of whoring myself was on my mind. I was embarrassed. Even though most men like porn in one form or another, try explaining that to your wife. I didn't want her to think less of me. Losing her love and respect would be devastating.She seemed to think that she wasn't enough to satisfy me; that maybe I was looking for something outside of our marriage that she couldn't provide. I tried to put her at ease. "Most, if not all of these things are fantasies, Rachel." So you're telling me that you wouldn't want to do any of these things in real life?" She asked."I'm not sure if I could." I replied."Why haven't you shared these fantasies with me Ben?" I didn't want you to hate me. You know I love you more than anything. I wouldn't want to do anything to make you think poorly of me." I want you to share with me." She said. "How can I trust you if you hide things from me? Secrets are what will kill our marriage."Even though it felt strange to do it, I shared with Rachel over the next several weeks. She wanted to read stories,.
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