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I imagined myself having a heart attack. I stared atmyself in the mirror urging my will to take control.After taking an aspirin and guzzling down some water, Ibrushed my teeth and left the room. I saw Charlene andJohn on the balcony drinking wine and smoking acigarette. She touched his shoulder. Feeling rejected,I hit the liquor cabinet and downed a few fingers ofscotch. Next thing I knew I had drank a quarter of thescotch, stripped out of my clothes, crawled under thecovers of our bed and had a pay per view porno muted onthe television. I didn’t care if Charlene would put me out. This was mylife damn it and I’ll do as I please and think formyself. I don’t need her to try to embarrass me toeffect my desires. Maybe that was her fantasy. Iremember taking out her KY-Jelly but after that I feltfatigued and decided to rest my eyes a moment andgather my strength before I jerked off. Then I assume Ipassed out. You can never know these things for sure.My dreams were all. There was only a slight pitch on the gentle seas. The wind dried the sweat on me as I stood, helplessly spread on the foredeck.I knew Dave could see me from the flying bridge where he piloted. What must I look like to him - a pagan sacrifice perhaps? Was that what I was? A sacrifice to my wanton lusts?I thought of what was to come next, and shivered.In moments I'd be naked and helpless, totally vulnerable, aboard a boat with six - no, seven men - and presumably some women, but women who would, at best, leave me to my fate, but were more likely to join in my torment and final extinction.Two days more, I thought, only two days. I concentrated on the sensations - the sun and wind on my body, the sound and vibration of the boat, the smell of the sea.I heard them coming, talking and laughing nervously as they made their way past the cabin to the foredeck. They saw me and the conversation faded. I felt them duck under my arms as they surrounded me."My God, she's really going to do it," one.
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