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" Our fault."Stop. Don't. How do you think I should feel, then? He's been on some serious antidepressants for years." she said. "The drugs have side-effects. And he had issues that had nothing to do with you or me. So don't say anything. No one knows why he did it."Tammy and I didn't see each other outside of work for several days. She buried him and then she told me she was going on a family vacation, a little something to reconnect with the kids. But before she left, she wanted to spend the night with me one more time."When you come back, maybe I can come to your home," I said.She smiled. "That would be nice. I have to be the best mother I can be," she said. "I need to spend more time at home."On that final night, after work and after several drinks, we went into the bedroom and had sex, an almost ritualized long protracted sex act, slow kisses, full of deliberate movements and meaningful looks. We showered and washed each other, all the while kissing and caressing all over. She. "It's ok"He said nothing and continued the exam. I heard him sigh. Then he said, "Excuse me, but its not comfortable. You know..the pressure." I heard a zipper, then a rustle of clothing. "Ok,..better" he said.Knowing he was exposed made me nervous but didn't frighten me. I tried not to think how close his erect penis was to my open crotch."How often does...well...this happen?" I asked, not knowing what else to say."Oh, every once in a while," he said trying to sound casual. Then a small laugh. "I think the nurse always knows why I go directly to the men's room after some exams." To jack off?" I hadn't meant to say it out loud, it just came out."Uh..well, yes" So after we're done, you'll go jack off about me?" I heard myself say."Yes, sorry." It's OK. I've had two students tell me that" I laughed."That they jacked off about you?" he asked. "How did you feel about that?" Honestly? I wanted to watch, " I answered with a weird boldness. "After one boy said that, I never made it.
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