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The lady at the register looked my way, smiled and then nodded and pointed off toward the back of the store.I groaned inwardly as Jordan walked toward me smiling. She grabbed a few different styles and sizes of shorts and then held out her hand again, wiggling her fingers at me. “C’mon.”I took her hand and we went to the back of the store. She hadn’t been shy about having me help her with her top back at her apartment. She wasn’t worried about being in a public store with only her itty-bitty bikini and gossamer wrap covering her. Thus, why should I be surprised that she would not only help me find something appropriate for swimming at a pool party, but she would likely also want me to model each pair?Thankfully, the bathroom wasn’t separated from the main area by a single door. We went through the main restocking doorway, wide enough to get through with a pallet jack, turned left, and found the only bathroom in the whole place. It wasn’t marked specifically for men or women, but from. I sat there through two or maybe even more green lights, crying.My guilt didn't go away the next day either. I struggled with telling John that morning. Then I decided to wait until that evening. By that evening, I had chickened out telling him at all. I had nightmares for several nights after that. I felt so sad and so low. How could I have let myself go like that? How would I ever be able to face Bill again? How could I sit there at home, and talk to John like nothing had happened?For the next few weeks I was quiet around work, and never let myself be alone with Bill or any other man for that matter. I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust any man there either. I was driving myself crazy with guilt and the pain of what I had done to my husband. John, so innocent, was hugging me close every night, kissing me, holding me, doing everything he always had done for me. And I had stabbed him in the back.Guilt also surrounded my thoughts of that one night of hot sex too. I couldn't help.
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