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He really wanted to just be a guy again. He wanted to turnit all back. He just wanted to be Howard again.Darlene came over and held him in an embrace. "Ashley, it's all right.You can't always score a homer and have it all your way on the firsttry. It took you years to perfect your beautiful looks and the wholewoman thing that surrounds you. I mean, you might have fallen short onthe first try being a guy, but you can do it if you want. I love you andhave real faith in you. I know that if you want to look like a guy, youcan do it."Listening to what Darlene said inspired him a little. He was feelingdown but not out. And what was with these tears? A guy doesn't cry whenhe fails, a guy works harder. He turned to her and gritted his teeth."You know, you're right. I'm just going to have to try harder. But, canyou help me?"Deep inside, he knew those tears were caused by his own volition. He'dmade the choice. And the source of all these dilemmas were the hormones.It all came from the estrogen. As I calmed down a little, I began to wonder that I’dsurvived this. Men my age have delicate hearts.Neither of us remembers the next half hour or so. Wewere back home, well, at her house. Neither of us saidanything. She took a shower. I took a shower. When Islid into our bed, I guess her bed at that point, Ifigured she would be embarrassed. She wasn’t.“Did that really happen?” she asked, snuggling up tome.“I think so.”“So it turned you on as much as it did me?” she asked.“Yeah, it did.”“Well, if I’d have known that fucking could be likethat,” she said. “I’d have done whatever you wanted along time ago.” “Mmm hmm.”“Oh, we’ve wasted so much time,” she said. “Or,actually, I’ve wasted so much time.”“Shh, don’t worry about it,” I said, putting my fingerto her lips. “Let’s get some rest. I have a feelingthat we’re.
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