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She spent the cold rainy nights sleeping on the threshold of his house, near his front door, crying bitterly. She knew that he liked the insistent woman and the woman who sacrifice everything and even herself for him, the woman who will change completely to please him and to be like his own image, the woman that will walk on the smashed glass and thorns for him, and become his second mother in every meaning of the word, in his service always, learned sewing, cooking, and knitting and all women’s arts with needles and threads, and take care of him all the time and prefer him over herself or anyone else even her children. Ahmad was surprised by her insistence and her changing and her new found secularism and her getting rid of hijab and every MB and Salafi ideology, her stopping listening to the Saudi Quran reciters and her listening now to the Egyptian Quran reciters. Her love for Arts and sex and nakedness and bikini, her wearing a camisole or plaid shirt and jeans jacket and pants,. I was 11 years old the first time i was horny. i was sitting on the chair sidways so that it would push against my vagina. the more i write in these diaries, the more you will learn about that incounter, and the more you will learn about how i have been scared. I'm not gunna say exactly what had happened, but my dads friends son who was staying with us, who was 13 at the time, had raped me after walking in and seeing the computer screen.I have been raped 3 times by him. once at 11, 14, and 15. yes 15, as in he had raped me again a few months ago. but i have a very very good friend, and as stupd as this sounds, we have had sex once, and we are going to again in a few hours when he gets back from skiing. i like watching porn, but i hate fingering myself and having guys touch me because it only reminds me of being raped. but my good friend has taken all my fear and has helped me develope a new obsession; sex. i will write another entry tomorrow if anyone wants to hear about what will go.
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