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And some of you will be thinking, 'but Cummies, I'm not a wife, I'm a burly, hirsute, truck driver born on the wrong side of the tracks in one of those truly awful Medway towns in North Kent, (Garden of England my arse) are you saying that I am less important than you?' Well of course you're less important than me in so many different ways, sweetie, but really the questions you should be asking yourself are: Am I a wife? If not why not? And what do I do to join this most sacred of living states? Now for some individuals, there is a simple excuse that they just aren't old enough to be legally recognisable as wives, but for the rest of you, including hirsute truckers from the armpit of England, there really is no excuse because in this day and age anyone can be a wife. And even if you don't have a thing for meringue dresses and trains (not the choo-choo variety) and veils and bridesmaids lapping at your pre-nuptials and playing at bride sandwich with the groom and the best (wo)man to. And after the first trimester, even rape and incest abortions were no longer available in many states. She could travel to another state, but anyone helping her do so would be liable for prosecution by this state. She could travel back to her home state, but the laws there were not much better. In fact, most laws in this part of the country, those that even allowed an abortion, required the consent of the father. She would have to pay for the tests to identify the father, and then would have to ask him to sign a form allowing her to terminate the pregnancy that his vile act had created. If he refused she could try going to court, but in most cases the rights of the father, the rights of the rapist, were upheld and the woman was required to carry the pregnancy to term. No, that wouldn’t work. She could travel 1200 miles to the a state that didn’t require this, but she would have to spend a week in counseling, that she would have to pay for, and watch films that showed graphic photos.
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