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"I can't," he said. "I can't go through with this." What do you mean?" she asked.He eased her off his lap and drew in a deep breath. "I've been cruel to you, Scarlet. You deserve better. You're a nice girl. You deserve better." I don't understand. What are you trying to say?" Scarlet -- I asked you out on a bet." A ... bet?" A wager. Stimpy and I were bullshitting the first week of class ... typical guy braggadocio. I was telling him about my exploits over the summer and he was envying my ... well, my ease with the fairer gender. The poor guy has some sort of phobia of them. I owe him a hundred from last year and he wagered a hundred that he could pick a girl at random and I could ... I could have her in bed within four dates." Scarlet stared at him, slack-jawed. "I agreed and he picked you." You mean -- all this is a lie?" Oh Scarlet ... No ... I mean, it started out as a lie but along the way ... you got under my skin. I started having real feelings for you. I don't want to hurt. The man in the blue apron identifies himself, Hello everyone Im Ron Popeil, have any of you ever had trouble with a nagging wife? Ron asked, your attention drawn to the screen, you reply to the TV, YES! while the whole audience also replied YES! Ron continued And do any of you have 1 or more unruly daughters that just wont follow your rules and gets into trouble all the time? Ron asked the audience with all of them nodding and saying YES! at the same time you also say YES! eyes now glued to this wonderful man who just might have the answers to all your prayers, Well I have here for you today a revolutionary new female processing machine that is sure to change the way you prepare and cook that special girl, that nagging wife, or those unruly daughters Rod continued walking over to a large machine made of chrome that shined in the light. I call this new female processor the Spartan Spitter he said while you and the audience looked on interested, I promise you that the Spartan Spitter.
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