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I sat down and willed my pulse to stop racing while I tried to think. This was surreal; this could not be happening!I finally snapped out of it, and went thru options in my mind. I was surprised that my love for Lisa had evaporated. It was said you cannot turn off love, or the love would turn to hate. But I felt nothing for her now, not love, nor hate ... just nothing. My main feeling was fear. Fear of losing my children.For a brief second I considered letting Lisa's actions slide, that way I could keep my family. Instantly, I knew I could not tolerate Lisa going out with another guy, or guys. It just was not in my DNA.This was not the Lisa I married. I do not know who she was, but I did not love that person. Fear of losing my children filled my mind, pushing out all other thoughts.I kept seeing the future like my brother, fighting for every second with my sons. Missing out on key times in their lives. I ran thru a dozen options, from violent action to complicated plans. All ended. I asked myself and regretted it.Am I the one to be the soul of this reality?I wasn't confident at all.In the unknown worldAnxiety and impatience are mixedI don't know if it's right or wrongActs that deviate from the reason and theory of the worldFeeling such anxiety, we relaxed while drinking alcohol.Is it okay for me to deal with the anxiety of my heart from beginning to end?I was worried if I would think about it.Sometimes every time his hand touched my knee, I started to feel sexual excitement.Am I the only one excited?Only in my heart, I was asking myselfIn time he robbed me of my lips, and he put his hand deep inside the skirt.His hands were playing with my panties, his fingertips were moving to see the shape of the erect genitalsEventually he whispered in my ear, saying, "Sayu, do you feel good, you're getting bigger?" He led my hand over the gown into the crotch.His genitals were so big and excited that he could see the shape even through the gown.I first touched a man's.
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