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Then there was the time I tried to spike her milk shake with grandma's sleeping pills, she went to sleep early, but when I snuck in she woke up and I mumbled an excuse before rushing out. I'm that stupid.Getting the picture yet? It's a pattern born out of desperation.More recently I was under the impression that mother knew her son yearned for her but ensured my childish antics came to to nought. She also never said a word to me about it, and for that I knew she loved and honoured me and every time I made some fumbling attempt toward her, guilt filled me for days after.Now after years of stupid childish attempts I stand impotent in my room, trembling and shocked at what I had done, just when one of my sorties at mother had actually worked.Of course I had never thought it through — stupid I told you — how would it affect her life now that she and dad had divorced, being permanently drawn to her only son. What did I want out of all my attempts, did I want to have sex with my mom? To. “We’ll see what happens when we get there. I feel like I’m going on a blind date you set me up with.”“I guess, in a way, you are,” I said.She drove on for a while.“She sounds nice,” she finally said.“She is nice,” I said.“So ... you guys hung out a lot in Saudi,” said Jenn.“Yeah. She didn’t want guys hitting on her and I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend.”“I bet lots of people thought she was your girlfriend.”“Maybe.” I shrugged.“And you never fooled around ... even a little bit?”“The only thing she ever did that could even be hinted at as fooling around was when she asked me to marry her,” I said.“That’s so crazy!” sighed my sister.“I was there,” I said. “You’d have been laughing your ass off if you’d have been there, too.”“I’d have torn her hair out,” said Jennifer.“No you wouldn’t. I really think you’re going to like her.”“I already do ... a little,” admitted Jenn.“I think you’ll like Kyle, too. He’s got this soft voice that makes him sound confident or something.”“You talked to.
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