I had the feeling that she just made a decision. She rolled away from me and lay very still. Her voice dropped its teasing quality and became very small as if she was speaking from a distance. The gentle modulations that I had come to associate with her disappeared entirely and she spoke on in a flat monotone."One night, he came late to their house. Her father and mother had gone to Moscow for the week. She wasn't expecting him. He knocked on the door and stood there, in the rain. He had some flowers. She let him into the house and later, into her bed. He was very experienced and made it good for her, at first. Then he wanted her to suck him. She didn't know about this, thought it was dirty. He made her do it to him. She was very angry. He laughed at her. Called her a silly schoolgirl. She spat at him. He beat her. Then he left. She never saw him again."When she was older, she came to think that he had used her innocence. She never told anyone. Until tonight." God, Angela, that's. But Sanjeev was saying to take a bath before the diksha I could not complete as Nirmal interrupted in between. Nirmal: Yes Madam, that’s right, but that bath would be with special herbal water in front of Guru-ji. Me: What? That was my instant reaction hearing the words ‘in front of Guru-ji’ and I suppose any woman would react like that. Me: How can I bathe in front of him, I am not a little girl? Nirmal: No, no Madam, you got me wrong. I wanted to say the herbal waters are specially prepared by Guru-ji and he chants some mantra on that before you take the bath. There is separate toilet in the diksha room. Listening to him I calmed down, but he probably got entertained by my reaction. Nirmal: Madam, who says you are a little girl? He must be a blind donkey. He paused a bit and then added, ‘But Madam, you cannot deny that you can look like a little girl if you get back to your school days uniform.’ He smiled. Nirmal was flirting with me I realized, but to my surprise I was.
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