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”I nodded, and opened the bedroom door. I heard Alyssa ask, “Was that Dad’s robe?” before I closed the door again.I stood there, leaning back against the door. The robe parted and I jutted out. I wasn’t at full staff, but it was enough that the robe couldn’t keep me covered any more.I sighed and looked to my right. The door to the master bathroom stood open. I considered going in there, finding some kind of moisturizer and stroking one off before looking for any more of dad’s clothes, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. It seemed so degrading. For tonight, I needed some underwear or shorts. Something to wear to keep myself under control.I looked to my left, to the bedroom proper. Suddenly Mom’s insistence to “See what you can find” held more meaning than just clothes. I had an idea. It was so simple, so stupid, and so possible. What if Dad left the locket in his dresser? What if he left it here in the house? I certainly wouldn’t have many chances to look through his things. Not. She didn’t tell him her fears anymore, she wouldn’t tell him her problems, or when she wanted to do something dangerous. She wouldn’t tell him her worries. She would talk with him but not about anything really important or about her. She still laughed with him, but her laugh was different, it didn’t have the same life, the same spark. She didn’t want to tell him her struggles anymore. She didn’t want him to worry about her, didn’t want him to know just how far her self-hatred really went. How deeply rooted in her mind it really was. How every time anyone got just a little glimpse of it, they would tell her that she scared them. She couldn’t do that to him…. But she already had…. And she hated herself for that. She had scared him once already, let him see the one mark she had made, the first mark she had made in months. A mark she made because those feelings she tries to hide so deep came clawing back to the surface. Feelings she thought she had locked away for good. But feelings of.
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