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I didn’t go back to work until I was sure we were both up to going back to the normal grind. My partners understood; their main concern was that we take the time we needed. It’s the same as major surgery, in a way: you don’t put major stress on the wound until it’s healed enough to take the stress without rupturing again.I did go back to work, and Lily and I did set about building a new normal. For years, other than work, she was my world. I didn’t date, and didn’t want to. Inevitably, I would have compared any woman to Rowan, and it would have been hard to find anyone who could have survived the comparison.Rowan was brilliant and creative, a painter whose gallery shows did very well and a poet who was published in major magazines (even, once, The Atlantic); her lightning intuition and gift for seeing things from a different angle from everyone else played very well off my analytical approach to life, and her spontaneity did much to balance my tendency to overthink and overplan. I don't need to make that decision now. He heard her blow her nose. Noah -- I'm so sorry for disturbing you with this but I didn't know where to turn. I don't have family. The closest friends I have are the people I work with and they're such busybodies. I'm going to have to tell them soon. I'm showing more and more every day and I can't conceal it much longer. I think you're the best friend I have right now."Rachel -- I'm honored to hear you say that."It's true... She sighed. I think I'm feeling a little better. Talking with you always makes me feel better."Don't you think that's a sign?" he askedI can't get my hopes up. I got my hopes up once before and look what happened."I'm not like him, Rachel."Oh, I know you're not, Noah. I know it. She sniffled. I got a call from that detective today."And?"The trail is stone cold. They couldn't find anyone named Seth Brown whose details come close to what I know. They think it was an alias he gave me. Oh, God -- I feel so foolish."From now.
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