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Then one day during one of the IM chat session, he said, "by the way your lingerie pictures are hot", So smile and said happy you like them, because I can't wait for you to move my thong to the side and stick your cock in my ass. His response was if your ass is clean I can stick my tongue in it too :-) I basically when crazy when he said that, I told him to come over now and fuck me. But he said he couldn't. It was then we decided we should meet, so we exchange phone number. He made contact first via text, so I decide to call him. I was nervous at first and I think he was too, but as we talk we both became more comfortable, well I did :-) So we set up the meet for the next day which was a Friday at around 11:00 am, with me hosting. We could only meet during the day, because of the fact that we are both married. I told him I would surprise him with a nice lingerie outfit and to call me about an hour before he was ready to leave, so I could get ready. The day of the meet, after the wife. I fear what temptations I would have, I could undo the separation. I could heal myself. Become whole. Yet, within my soul, I know that that option is not. The flow of self-depreciating sadness moving across each numb nerve with the quiet coldness of ice, numbing my heart to what I have been part of, have seen. As tempting, in its own way, as the power I could open myself to. I choose. There really was not much of a choice, the decision made in an instant. I rein in my mind and flow, not outward as a waterfall, but inward, sinking into the black hole that is the remnant of my heart. Darkness swallows me yet I ignore it, I search. Moving across surfaces that reek of memory and sadness, I begin the long road through a self-made hell. Heat tears at my atoms, Cold sears my neutrons from balance, both fusion and fission work on my mind at once. Barriers. I collapse them, with such effort that my body must be failing by now. My heart must be beating so slowly that a doctor would call me.
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