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If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?Take my advice — I'm not using it.My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.A computer once. "As soon as he was out the door, Sam turned to her s!ster with her hands on her hips. "God, Mel. Felling flirty today?" What?" She replied "You guys aren't together anymore, are you?" No, but..." A frown again formed on Sam's face, she refused to admit that she still liked him and it made her jealous when other girls flirted with him, especially her own s!ster."Hey, Freddie's cute and I go to an all girls’ school, so I don't get contact with too many boys. Just us girls in the bathroom," Mel defended."I thought you had a boyfriend." For two weeks, last year. He was a jerk anyway. He only wanted to go out with me because he knew I'm a virgin, the ass-hat just wanted another notch on his bedpost." Wait, you mean?" Sam raised an eyebrow, she really thought Mel would have done it by now."Yeah. And would you like to explain just how I would get a chance to lose it. I told you, I only had a boyfriend for two weeks. I'm not a slut, Sam." So you've never…? Wow." Sam sounded.
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